The power of therapy

We may think that we have it all figured out, and we know what we know and we are stuck with whatever coping skills we have. The truth is: life does happens to us. It does. But I think it is easy to forget that we still have power in the situation. Our power lies in how we respond to the thing. Whether the thing is a feeling, an event, an experience, a let-down, whatever the thing may be, we have choice in how we respond.

One of the most common things I see in this work is that people get completely derailed when things hurt us. Pain is real, and so is suffering. Things hurt us, we are human. Some people completely avoid it and disengage and pretend like it never happened. Other people catastrophize and think about all of the other things going wrong in their lives, and compound the pain.

In either of these responses, we perpetuate the same strategy over and over.. and over throughout life. We get stuck in our own perception of the scenario, almost like horse blinders. We begin to believe that there is no other way to think about the scenario or see the scenario through a different lens.

Therapy allows you to bring forth all of the information verbally rather than internally. There is so much power in simply sharing a story, an experience that we are living through. Think about the courage and strength that it takes to share something that hurt you with someone. Its hard. It can be especially hard when we have had times in the past where we have shared that something hurt us and we were shut down, or ignored, and weren’t tended to the way we needed to be. Therapy offers you a space where you can let it all out, and ensure that you will be heard, and understood, and seen for your hurt. What would it feel like to tell someone that you are hurt or experiencing pain, and you were met with love, unconditional support, and appreciation? What would it feel like to share some of your internal world with someone on the outside who wants to listen? If this is different than how you have done it in the past, you are already growing!

There is so much power that comes from just this act: opening up and being met with compassion. Also, the profound effects it has on your brain is incredibly healing. Lets get into it.

When we talk about our feelings, our brain activates areas associated with emotional processing, particularly the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) and the anterior insula. When we verbalize emotions, the ACC helps to regulate the intensity of the distressing emotions, making them feel more manageable. This will inherently create a sense of relief. The anterior insula helps us connect our mind to our body. It helps us take note of our internal bodily state (like a tight stomach, or an increased heart rate) and connects it with our emotions. When we put emotions into words, the gap between cognitive understanding and the emotional experiences are bridged together.

Also, verbalizing emotions shifts activity from the amygdala (in charge of fight-flight-freeze responses) to the prefrontal cortex, which is in charge of our decision making.

So, all in all, talking about how we feel with someone we trust, allows us to 1. become in tune with how we are feeling, which increases self-awareness, 2. reduce the intensity of the emotion, 3. increases resilience and our window of tolerance, 4. brings forth a sense of strength and power as we are able to make the choice to share with others.